Making my Circle Wider

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Today as I was doing a forgiveness meditation, I physically felt a lessening of my physical pain in my back. I sat for a moment, feeling the Spirit at work in me, opening my heart to the people I love. I could feel this forgiveness for a person that had hurt me (intentionally or unintentionally) and for myself for causing hurt to other people.

When I open my heart to the Spirit and healing, I open myself up to more people around me. My experience is that I can be intentional about creating space and spending time in the spiritual dimension with a personal God, but often the healing is a dimension where the spirit brings a new type of restoration. Forgiveness is an ongoing process, and something I have sought from a pretty young age. It is layers and layers of woundedness often so complicated that I can’t grasp the impact, and don’t see how it builds up to create walls where I shut others out and allow self destructive habits in. For some reason, the ability to forgive myself and others is something that brings unity and peace. This is perhaps why Jesus emphasizes God’s grace in forgiving us, so we can be freer to love and forgive others.

Immediately after feeling this amazingly healing moment, I felt a desire to reach out to some people around me. I pray that I will hold onto this moment, where I can remember the grace given to me, and want to share this freedom and love with those around me.

In Grace and Light, Elissa

The Living Water

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I have been planning on blogging on Pastor Becca’s series on the Spirit at the same time as she was preaching.  I have created a new section on the web to reflect on her sermons called Wisdom and Faith (under Worship tab) so those who want some inspiration could have a place to go. It can become discouraging in this pandemic to be in this space of endurance without a clear vision of what the future might entail.  Though I can’t always see the path, I find hope in connecting with the Spirit.

Regardless of what is going on in life, the living water rejuvenates me.  Just as taking a shower revives and cleans me, sipping the living water revives and cleans my soul.  In my day to day life, I often don’t reflect on the amount of water I take. I take sips of water throughout my day, and it is often part of the foods I eat.  Generally I might be falling short of what my body needs, and choose to live with less nourishment and energy than is available to me.

My spiritual intake has a similar impact.  In the morning, I spent some time before my God in mediation, reading and journaling.  Throughout the day however, I can get lost in my activities and anxieties, that I don’t see nearly as much of God’s living water that I am surrounded by.  I can see it in nature and the beauty around me, but I truly only see a spec of the life that is waiting for me.

I pray today, I might slow down to see a little more of that living water.  As I enjoy the rain outside, I also find the spirit inside of me and in you.  May I continue to find ways to fit in the water I drink into my daily life, so I can be reminded of the gifts freely given that bring healing, peace and restoration to all that is broken.

In Spirit and Life,
Elissa

Finding Rest in the Challenges of Life

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Many days I feel overwhelmed by the demands and expectations I put upon myself to do and be all that I think I should. Even when much of life seems good and blessed, there are always triggers and emotions that come up that bring out the broken pieces of who I am and my own insecurities. I see so much need and people I wish to connect with, I can get lost in it all, and frozen in place.

It is the foundation of my faith, that gives me a sense of grounding and space to process where God is at work in my life. I can often see various focuses in certain seasons of my life, and areas where God is stretching me to surrender more, accept more grace, and bring God into places where I keep trying to work through on my own.

This year I have been focusing a lot on my health. Making long forgotten doctor appointments, eating better and intensifying my exercise routines. I notice with exercise that there is a balance in keeping a routine, pushing myself some, and giving myself rest. When I keep a routine, I am more likely to exercise and fit it into my schedule. When I push myself beyond my current capabilities then I see my body strengthen and change, and my fitness level improve. If I do too much or injure something, I have to modify and do different things awhile to let myself heal. The rest allows me to recover, especially after a hard day.

In my spiritual journey, it is also a process of striving for growth and transformation. My morning time with God is very precious to me, and allows me to read, reflect and take in God’s wisdom and love. I feel myself being pushed into many different areas, as I strive to find a balance where I don’t crash and burn. I see how my God is strengthening me in a lot of areas, as I enter new territory, and still bringing up past issues that need healing and grace. As I walk in relationships with others, vulnerability and honesty can bring up insecurities, it is also the place I receive love, wisdom and forgiveness of my own humanity. Just as in exercising, where injuries can be part of the game, I have setbacks and have to create protections for a time in some places that are just too weak to carry the load. Rest is crucial, where I take time to just be, listen to my God, and hear the Holy Spirit at work.

Even with all the challenges of this life, I am so grateful that God’s grace is so much greater. When I look and watch for the light, I find something new. Today, I will listen for God’s voice and Spirit in what lies before me. What is my next step? Is there something I need to let go of? What are the gifts I am to receive? Where am I to pause? Who should I reach out to today?

May God’s grace guide us as we walk this journey together!
Elissa

Back to the Basics: Community v Pseudo Community–What it Means to Belong

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As we begin a new series on “Back to the Basics”, I think about the foundation of my own faith and connection with God and other people. It can be easy for me to get sidetracked into all sorts of activities and not take the time to pause and reflect on what is most important in my life. When I am able to be intentional about my own spiritual walk, and what that looks like for me, everything else can fall into place. It doesn’t mean that it is an easy life, but a life that brings me a sense of purpose and peace.

One of the main reasons I love the church is the sense of community it brings for me. I love being able to connect with others spiritually, relationally and intellectually as it brings wisdom, strength and contentment to my life. It is nice to be able to support one another through the joys and challenges of life, and to meet people of different ages and experiences. Church community can have challenges, yet the church is at its best when it is a place of great love and care.

Like many people, I have had my share of difficult experiences with people in the church or those using religion as a way to control or condemn me. It can be hard at times to separate the people from my view of God and the church, yet I have to remember that human beings aren’t gods, and even the most spiritual people make mistakes and do things that hurt others. Often when we believe our way is the right way, it can create conflict with those with different viewpoints. I can’t begin to understand the evil done in the name of religion, yet when I find a community that is inclusive and loving, I can be part of something greater. I can be part of a group that brings healing. I continue to grieve my losses from bad experiences, and ask forgiveness when I see my own behavior that has hurt others. I can have hope that our community can bring something greater than what I can do and be alone.

Serenity in Choices

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What is the best option?  The past few weeks I have been doing a lot of reading on nutrition and health.  Having received some negative test results, I decided to try to make some changes to my food choices prior to taking medications.  Thanks to a friend of mine who gave me a bunch of books, I had at least 10 on becoming healthier.  Many of these books also had a spiritual focus.  Perfect – time to bring God into my food.

As I began to explore the different options, it was clear that there were often contradictions in philosophy and interpretation of statistical data on food.  Since this is one of life’s great pleasures, and something I do each day, I would like to get this right.  I would like the perfect plan to follow, so I can get perfect results.  Many of them offered such plans, but I couldn’t find any with foods I liked, could tolerate, or capable of cooking.  Sure, I could decide to eat this anyway as to “die to self”, but for me it didn’t seem like the best long term solution.

Like many things in life, I have so many choices.  Often the hardest things are those that don’t give me a clear path to follow.  During Covid, this can seem intensified, as even with all the research and experts out there, there is much we do not know.  Lots of “errors” occur daily, as well as people who take advantage of times such as these.  I look around me with all the social injustice, poverty, and need and can be overwhelmed by it.  Relationships can be tricky, how do I know when to speak up and share, or when my feelings are so mixed up in the past, that it would be better for me to be silent and go process, as what is going on is not about the present situation.

In the midst of my health readings, I just finished reading “Fully Awake and Truly Alive” by Rev. Jane E. Vennard.  I like how she talks about staying present even when situations seem overwhelming or we don’t see a clear answer.  “We must bear witness to what has gone before and to the pain and injustices that continue today”.  This includes seeing and feeling.  Not easy tasks for me, when there are lots of emotions involved.  I can feel guilty for not meeting perceived need, yet sometimes I can miss the real need in all of us.

I love the story of Jesus at the well in John 4.  When the woman asks Jesus for water, he responds with an offer for living water.  “13 ‘Everyone who drinks this water’, Jesus replied, ‘will get thirsty again. 14 But anyone who drinks the water I’ll give them won’t ever be thirsty again. No: the water I’ll give them will become a spring of water welling up to the life of God’s new age.’” Jesus was offering the greatest gift to everyone – water that nourishes forever.  Though he didn’t physically meet everyone’s need, he gave us His Spirit when he was resurrected from the cross.  His ministry was not always predictable, he healed some who came, he reached out to others, and he healed through interventions of others.  However, everyone is offered the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Making decision about what to do is often about seeing what is in front of me in the little and big things.  I choose to view my body as sacred, and start making better choices about what I eat.  Eating lots of vegetables is clear in all the plans as well as exercise.  Other things I can practice, observe and see what works, continuing to seek God and others for wisdom, and practicing love.  In the world of service I need to be alert to my daily life and when the doors are opening and the Spirit is clear.  In all things, love is at the center of everything.  Taking a step in love, is always on the path.  We are all connected and service isn’t just about me giving, but something deeper where I can give and receive in this wonderful world that has been given to us.

In Spirit and Love, Elissa Noble

The season of Lent – Grace and Forgiveness

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Today I was going on a nature walk in my neighborhood.  It was a great time to reflect on the lent season and try to hear from my God.  I have been thinking about the idea of giving something up for lent, and felt a little guilty that I couldn’t think of anything.  There are plenty of things I am trying to change and part of my new year’s resolutions, yet it didn’t feel like this was the same thing for me.  My egotistical mind even was thinking “haven’t I given up enough?”  I clearly was missing something.

As I was listening on my I-pod, the song “Beauty of the Cross” by Johnny Diaz came on, and I felt like I received another reminder of what I love about the Easter season and what Lent means to me.  The words of the chorus lit up my soul:

The beauty of the cross is that There’s One who has redeemed my soul
Beauty of the cross is that I’m finally free and letting go
Beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am

When I let this sink in, it brings tears to my eyes.  It reminds me to hold on to the grace, love and forgiveness of my Savior.  In this moment, I am perfect before my God, and loved completely exactly how I am.- nothing I do or don’t do will take away God’s love for me. I can let go of is the shame, the mistakes, the addictions, the unworthiness, the anxiety and everything else that keeps me from living in the freedom in which my Savior has freed me from.

When I embrace the love and forgiveness of my Jesus, and the magnitude of the cross, I feel gratitude that I can be free.  The freedom allows me to connect with others, move towards reconciliation and to have more love for all people and things.  When I see my own pain, struggles and mistakes, I can have more compassion for others, listen more clearly and be more proactive in creating a world with more justice and unity.

Thank you Jesus for giving me freedom and bringing your Spirit to guide me in All things.

Your Servant, Elissa

Connecting at Bible Study

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It can be easy for me to feel isolated these days, with the restrictions of Covid and not being able to socialize with people in person.  I miss my small groups of hearing people share and the time to socialize or go deeper with people before or after a more formal gathering.  I learn so much about myself through the stories of others, and enjoy learning new truths and new resources that help me see beyond my current reality.  Nothing feels greater than being loved by others, and sensing a spiritual connection and unity in a room.

I find that for me to really connect in a new church, I need to find ways to be involved.  I am grateful that Montavilla has several virtual groups that I can connect with to learn more about the people here.  I have been attending the church Bible Study, and have enjoyed learning more about Pastor Becca and going deeper into the weekly sermon topics.  I also have been amazed by the experiences and insights of the other people attending the meeting.  It can take time to really feel connected, but as I put myself out there, and take some risks, it will happen in time.  The United Methodist Women are also doing a book study this month, so I look forward to another opportunity to read a new book, and meet some more women here.

It can be hard to go out of my comfort zone at times, but often this is where I grow the most.  Being intentional about things that help me grow spiritually brings me a joy that I desperately need during times of so much sorrow and hardship.  I can choose to share a little more with others, even if it feels different on a Zoom call than in person.  I can reach out and call people or find ways to be of service in the here and now.  I don’t have to wait until we return to a building, I can make the most of the gifts available to me today.

Blessings and love, Elissa

Happy New Year

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Happy New Year everyone. I imagine like many of you, I am so excited for a new year. I love new beginnings and goal planning that often takes place for me after Christmas. It is a time of reflection of the previous year and what I desire for in 2021.

Over ten years ago I created a strategic plan with a list of my core values. It was part of a recovery workshop I participated in and is something I look at most years or when I am struggling to make a decision. My personal mission statement is:”I will strive for growth, healing and deeper spirituality, where I can connect with the Spirit and others, giving love, grace, and peace to those I meet.” It helps me look at circumstances from a different viewpoint as I focus more on spirituality and giving and receiving love. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12 ESV).

Earlier this week I made a list of areas of growth and blessings in 2020. I think the biggest one is that I am still here. 2020 was a crazy year in so many areas – Covid, heartache everywhere, so much division, fears, financial challenges, etc. Many days I wondered how to carry on in this new reality, and often didn’t measure up to how I wished to be. However, I can see the spiritual growth, leaning on God more as I really had no answers for a lot of things. I spoke truth more into my fears and did a lot of grieving. More time at home, I had more walks, more reading, and felt more comfortable calling friends. Year of spirituality – lots of reading, spiritual growth and 12 step work. On my other goal list, I found a new job, a new church home, and ways to serve in spite of many health challenges. Though I still feel a lot of fear and anxiety, I know I feel more peace when I reach out to my God. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. “Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (John 14:27 ESV).

The reality of my goal planning is that I often get sidetracked, or don’t reach my ideal. However when I take time to reflect, pray and take some action (or inaction if necessary), I am still changing and learning about myself. For me personally, I find it really hard to keep up with all the things that seem necessary in a given day – work, household responsibilities, keeping up with family and friends, errands, exercise, spiritual time, etc. And then…there are the life moments – being ill, someone relapses, a heartbreaking phone call, the dishwasher breaks, no food in the house, I feel depressed, and the list goes on and on. So I still make my list, and let God direct me in doing what I need to do each day. If I don’t hear anything, I try to do the next right thing (which may be going back to bed), or check in with a friend. I aim to keep my priorities, ask for help where I need it, and accept my humanity. I find ways to connect with God, some days through a lot of reading, other days a walk outside, and some days just calling out “help” and receiving the Spirit of love.

My emphasis for 2021 is being more connected with others in some new groups, being of service, cleaning my closet and having more fun. Often these things will overlap, such as calling a friend while organizing the closet, doing a service group, or doing a fun activity in a group. I sure hope to get back to playing racquetball. I tend to be optimistic when I plan ahead, but I will also remember to take a pause if needed as new people can bring fears and fatigue.

What makes life beautiful is the combination of the new beginnings, the strength from life’s experiences and challenges, the relationships on the path, and holding onto the Rock of my God. Whatever the year brings for me I will trust that I can connect with my God a little deeper and as I risk in relationships I will build some beautiful friendships and memories. When I am able to both give and receive, there is a unity that forms as we are all created equally and need each other in order to heal and flourish.
“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:2-3 ESV).

I pray that the beginning of 2021 brings you the hope of the Christmas season. May you find what brings you the light, and people to walk with you. If you don’t hear any clear answers, sometimes the silence can bring us to people that open the doors. Sending you love and blessings. “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14 ESV).

Elissa Noble

2020 Christmas Poem

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2020, What a year
A time of change, a time of fear
So much death, so much grief
It is hard to hope, hard to believe
People alone, families are poor
Loss of work, masks in stores
Beliefs divide, so much hate
So much confusion, a lot at stake
I look for answers, I look for cures
I search for leaders, to make me secure
When I turn to look at the light
When I surrender, and give up the fight
I find what matters, I see the dream
A place of unity, of what is unseen
I see the star that lights the way
Peace and joy, to give each day
I trust in a God, that is here
To give me grace, to show he’s near
Wherever I’ve done, wherever I’ve been
The Spirit of God, can live within
May you find a hope, this Christmas week,
As you look for the star, and find what you seek
May you find the blessings of the light
The love, the grace, and beauty in sight
Merry Christmas and a Happy new year
To all I love and hold dear.

 

Christmas Poem

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I wrote this poem in 2015 when I was reading Zachariah’s Song at church. It is a great reflection of the meaning of the Christmas story. A beautiful reflection of hope, freedom and grace. I wish you all a meaningful Holiday season, where love and hope abounds.

Today I reflect on Christmas, as I read Zachariah’s song,
A message of hope, that allows us to be strong;
Jesus came to teach, the path that saves,
That brings freedom, from the darkness of the grave;
He brought mercy, from the rising sun,
To shine His light, on what has been shun;
In the shadow of death, He brings us peace,
Providing hope, that will not cease;
Whenever you are, wherever you have been,
There is always hope, a love without end;
May we walk this road, with a light that shines,
Being present to others, a nature that’s kind;
May this season remind us, of what is true,
It’s about mercy, a love that’s new;
I send you blessings, that’s dear to my heart,
May the light shine around you, like a rising star.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year.

Elissa Noble