Loving All People

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We are in a new sermon series on “What it Means to Be United Methodist”. When I first heard about this title I was expecting a lot of religious talks about what we need to be, yet also curious about what the United Methodist believe as I am newer to this denomination. I was drawn to this church because of its inclusiveness to all people, and later because of the social justice aspects that I see in the people of this church. Learning the core values of the church can help me go deeper into my own faith, and also to see what changes might need to take place within myself and within the church. Are the core values showing love to all people?

There are so many extreme opinions these days when it comes to beliefs, that I can feel discouraged and oppressed. A lot of laws being created in the name of Christianity that show hatred and unkindness. So much systematic racism and injustice and ignorance. How do I live out love and faith in so much darkness?

The first sermon “What it Means to Be United Methodist: The Methodist History of Mother’s Day” was very thought provoking in seeing this day didn’t originate in the way in which we have chosen to celebrate it. Mother’s Day, like a lot of things in history, can become “rewritten” or told from a narrow viewpoint, or taken out of perspective. Pastor Heather shares an article by Church historian, Professor Diana Butler Bass, PHD, about the Radical history of Mothers’ Day. Mothers’ Day was founded by Anna Jarvis, a member of a Methodist congregation in Grafton,West Virginia, passed out 500 white carnations in church to commemorate the life of her Mother, Ann Reeves Jarvis, who organized the local, poor women into“Mothers’ Work Day Clubs” to work for clean water and sanitation, to improve the lives of women and children and worked for universal access to medicine for the poor.

The message for me is a reminder to continue to love and work for justice one day at a time. Today, I am creating history, and can be part of creating change. The change begins in being open to learning from all people, not putting people in boxes, and seeing how the spirit can bring more love in my life. It begins in my relationships around me, my community, my church, and those I come in contact with. Through my relationships, I can take action and be part of making this world a little more loving, a little more kind and a little more fair – to all people!

Love and grace,
Elissa Noble

References from sermon:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-butler-bass/radical-history-of-mothersday_b_3259326.html
http://legacyproject.org/guides/mdhistory.html

Sharing my story on Forgiveness – the aftermath

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I recently shared part of my forgiveness journey at Montavilla and Tabor Heights UMC.  As the Office Manager, this isn’t something I have done before in this type of setting. and I am still processing through the effects.  Whether we share to a close friend, or a group of people, sharing our story is a pathway to healing, but it also opens the door for being hurt.

When I choose to share my story as part of my spiritual journey of healing, my audience is an audience of 1. At times I can feel a nudge to share in a group setting, or it may be a natural part of a conversation between two close friends.  It doesn’t always come out right, and even those who know me best may not really understand.  This is a risk I take to develop deeper relationships, and to be more authentic.  I remind myself that sharing is something between me and my God and that as I practice being vulnerable, I will learn better at how to do it, and I can trust my Higher Power to be present.

Sharing my story allows me to continue to see where I am at, not where other’s think I am at.  One of the beauties of 12 step groups, is that the no feedback rule allows individuals to hear and share their own stories without others trying to save or fix them.  I know this can be challenging for me as well, when I hear parts of a story, and I make quick assumptions when I am trying to relate to someone.  I was fortunate to hear some very kind and helpful feedback when I shared for the two churches, but I also recognize sharing feelings and abuse stories can bring up a lot of stuff for other people.

I am grateful to have a God that continues to heal us and connect us in whatever our Forgiveness journey looks like.  I am always open to this conversation, as there is so much more for me to learn.

May God’s grace be upon on!

Elissa Noble

I Spent the Night with a Houseless Meth Addict

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When I answered the phone my hospital social worker friend asked if I was busy that weekend. A woman had given birth that week and both she and her newborn had tested positive for meth. There is a mother/baby rehab facility, but they didn’t have a room until Tuesday, the hospital needed to discharge them, and they had a motel room lined up, but because of the addiction the mother needed to be supervised at all times. Would I be willing to take a couple of shifts just being with this mom, so that she didn’t have to be separated from her baby?

Sure why not!

I’ve done overnight shifts at houseless shelters and I was an accredited volunteer Lactation Counselor when my kids were young, so these are two populations I’m familiar with. I signed up for the 6pm to 2am shift. I just needed to keep my eyes on the baby at all times and make sure the mom didn’t do anything unsafe. No substance use, no unapproved guests, no sleeping with the baby, because withdrawal was making her drowsy. So I put on my yoga pants and my mask to protect this little one who cannot yet be vaccinated, and showed up at the motel for my shift.

What did you imagine when you read the words, “houseless meth addict?”

  • You probably wondered why I used the term, “houseless” rather than homeless. This is because most people who are unhoused are unhoused in the area where they were previously housed. People have family, friends, and community, sometimes even jobs that they are trying to stay close to. They have a hometown they are from and a neighborhood they call home, just not housing.
  • You’ve probably heard all kinds of scary things about meth. It is a scary drug. It’s
    extremely addictive and corrosive – many people addicted to meth have missing,
    blackened or whittled down teeth because of the corrosiveness of meth.
  • Addiction is so common that we probably all know someone who has an addiction.
    There are so many things people can become addicted to: alcohol, drugs, gambling, tobacco, internet, etc. It’s important to remember that addiction is a disease. No one chooses to become an addict! Some addictions begin with a prescription to opioids. Other addictions begin with social substance use, like social drinking that becomes physical/mental/emotional dependency. Addiction is not a moral failing, it’s a treatable disease.
  • When we think about houseless addicts we often picture the person shouting
    incoherently on a street corner, and sometimes those people are houseless and
    addicted, but they are usually mentally ill or developmentally disabled and using
    substances to try to self-medicate. Some of those shouters are not even houseless!

When I arrived at the motel, the mom was sitting on the bed holding her sleeping baby and watching a Twilight Movie Marathon on TV. She was clear eyed, a little tired, and clearly in love with her newborn baby. She was very thin. If it weren’t for her deflated post pregnancy belly, you would never have known she had just given birth a few days ago. Her arms and legs were thin and her collar and cheek bones were prominent. The baby was also very small, very sleepy, and heartbreakingly perfect. I think I spent an hour staring at baby’s tiny perfect ear. We didn’t talk much. Mom was tired from the hard work of birth and withdrawal. She did the work of caring for her baby, diapers, bottles, picking baby up when they fussed. I got to do the 12am feeding so mom could get a few hours of sleep. Then I held him, because I could. Because my babies are 21 and 24 and being in the presence of new life is sacred.

At 2am another Christian showed up to take the next 8 hour shift, because following Jesus means that we care for “the least of these,” (Matt. 25:40) because Jesus considers those in need to be Jesus’ family. After all, baby Jesus didn’t even get to stay in a motel room, so I think it’s not a stretch for Jesus to identify with the situation of a houseless mom and baby.

I don’t know what will happen to Mom and Baby. I pray for them. I pray that Mom will get the treatment and ongoing support she needs to be a good mom and take care of herself. I pray that Baby will be safe and loved and have a bright future. And I fully recognize that these prayers may be at odds. I also know that prayers are not enough. The gap between wages and housing costs is a perilous canyon into which many young families are falling. The American Dream of being able to work your way up into a better life is mostly an unachievable nightmare for those not born into upper middle class households. There is not enough affordable housing. There are not enough addiction treatment facilities. There are not enough mental health providers. We all want the houseless off our streets, but there is literally nowhere for them to go and not enough help to keep them off the streets.

I tell you this story, with its click-bait title, not so that you will admire me, but in hope that you will not be afraid. That you will not be afraid of supportive and affordable housing being developed in your neighborhood.

I’ve spent a fair amount of time interacting with houseless, addicted, and mentally ill folks and I’ve never been in danger. I’m careful and always mindful of the situation, but most of all, I try to see them as member’s of Jesus’ family, because that’s how Jesus describes them in Matthew chapter 25. They are often hopeless, tired, frightened, and desperate, but they are people -they are Beloved Children of God.

~ Rev Heather Riggs

Pay Attention

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I don’t particularly like when someone says to me “Pay Attention”, because I am often unaware of how much I miss around me and it can feel like a judgment.  However my daily life is filled with things I am focused on, often this can be thinking about the past, or planning my future where I miss out what is in front of me.

In one of my meditation books, it talks about focusing on your step when walking.  In order to try to ingrain something in my head, I often keep rereading a page until the concepts come to life.  I have been reading this for weeks in the morning, and for some reason, I still don’t remember to meditate on the steps I take.  This is actually pretty hard.

There are many times when I am having a conversation where I hear something and pause because I realize how important the comment was.  Comments like:  “something feels off,” “I can’t connect with God now,” “I am so excited,” etc.  We all want to be known and heard, and usually this takes place when I least expect it.  Paying attention is in the everyday conversations and experiences.  It always starts with what is in front of me.

Paying attention to the Spirit is different for everyone, and can show up for me in different ways.  At times it is clear, I pray for something, and a path opens up, resources come, and I start down the road.  This has happened several times where I write something in my God box or say a prayer, and even though the answer came in a weird way, it feels clear and can keep me on the path when it gets challenging.  Circumstances can guide me, someone I love is sick, and I want to be present with them and help as needed.  Other times I don’t really hear much, and move in the path of love.  Sometimes the path of love, is to be in the stillness and not take on new activities, a period of healing and restoration in my current relationships.

Probably the most challenging in hearing the Spirit for me is staying in truth.  There are so many voices in my head that I have to ignore – “you can’t do it, you will fail, it can’t be done, why you”, that can just be crazy making.  Another lie can be when I am trying to fix, control or do something for someone in the way I think will help, so I feel better.  Saying the serenity prayer can be helpful, give me acceptance of what I can’t change, courage where I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

The last year has given me some new challenges and opportunities.  I have seen shifts in some relationships and circumstances and though this can bring grief when things end, it also opens the door to new things.  It can be hard to tell if the challenges are telling me to make changes, or something I just sit through.  However, Paying Attention, allows me to see more clearly, be more open, and have more resources and wisdom for the situations at hand.  It also helps me be aware of my own internal dialogue and emotions that impact my actions, and gives me some space to hear the Sprit at work in my life and that of others.

Showing Up and Being Present

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Our church, our community and our world is constantly changing and facing new challenges.  It can be hard to keep up with it all and not feel discouraged, and want to zone out to what is around me.  Watching the increased violence, religious extremist and oppression is painful and can leave me feeling confused in how to make an impact and be part of the solution.

This summer we welcomed our new Pastor, Rev. Heather Riggs.  It is a pleasure to hear her energy and love for our church and community, and look forward to learning more about her.  She is preaching a series that starts with a simple concept: “Show Up.” To go where the people are and to give peace and healing, showing that God’s love is with us.

Being loving and kind is an energy that brings light and healing and unites people together.  I see how a genuine compliment, a warm touch, a smile or someone reaching out can empower me to do the same to others.  When I pause and listen, I feel more connected to others, and expand my understanding.

I have become more aware recently of how short staffed we are in many of our service positions and have to constantly pause and be kind to the person on the front end.  Hospitals, restaurants, and retail stores are just a few examples.  I can easily be frustrated when I hear things like it will take 8 months to get your car part, 4 months for a needed Dr. appointment, 8 hour wait in the emergency room or an hour wait for a table at a restaurant.  This can be more complicated and scary when dealing with services related to housing, mental health and addiction services.  Sadly the waiting list for these are long, often months and maybe years to receive essential services.

I don’t know the answers to some of these complicated situations, but it does begin with love and being present.  If as a community we continue to show up and unite together, we will have more resources and find more solutions. I can allow the Spirit to work in my own life to bring healing and light, and be open to learning from everyone God puts in my path.

Power of Words part 2

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The Power of Words is a dynamic that is created through the interaction of the speaker and the listener.  For the truest meaning to be absorbed it needs to be a direct conversation with people both desiring to communicate clearly and to hear one another.

Last week, I had a situation where I was trying to figure out a simple request for a lunch event my daughter was planning on attending.  Through our conversation we realized the information my daughter received from A was received from a conversation from B from a conversation with C and possibly came from a conversation with D.  So my daughter had no idea what the actual event was.  I suggested she bi-pass the chain, and after a good laugh, she went to the source and was able to make a plan.

Though this event was extreme, with layers of complexity, it really showed me how often I go an indirect route to get information.  And the danger with this is that each time the information is communicating, it brings in the experiences and reactions of the parties involved, and a little bit of the information might change, or parts might be left out.  So not only does the information get skewed, but sometimes meanings are associated with the Words that aren’t always there.  The Words aren’t always negative, but can create problems when we are trying to understand a situation.

There are lots of scriptures on the Words we speak, and the dangers of not telling the truth.  A couple of warning include: Proverbs 25:18 “Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow.” And Proverbs 21:23 “Whosoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” I tend to think of these verses as applying when I am emotionally wired and  don’t want to say something harmful, but I should also keep them in mind when I retell a story that is not mine to share, claim my reactions as the truth, and when I don’t really listen to the information clearly to have a true response.

It often begins with awareness and intent, and I pray that I continue to really listen to the Words of others, and be more careful at the Words I speak.  It is important for me to pay attention to all the other thoughts and feelings that come to mind, as this can be part of my healing journey related to past experience, yet in the moment, I must try to stay in the truth of the moment, and with a heart of openness and love.

Grace and Truth
Elissa Noble
MUMC Office Manager

The Power of Words (part 1)

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At the beginning of the year one of my goals was to be better at communicating. Learning how to deal with my emotions and speak words of kindness and compassion can be difficult at times, especially in close relationships, when there is a conflict of interest or I feel slighted. I have been praying about this, reading books, meditating, etc, but it often feels like I have a long way to go.

Growing up, communication was lacking. I can’t really recall too many conversations that helped me navigate life, and often was filled with fear – fear of my parents and God. This created an anxiety I can’t ever recall not having. The flight or fright syndrome was a coping mechanism that doesn’t really work today. Learning how to communicate better is the essence of all relationships. When the communication is gone, connection dies out, and this can create a feeling of being alone.

The Power of God’s words is evident in scripture. Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Matthew 4:4 “But He answered, ‘It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” God’s words bring light, direction, life and nourishment to us. The whole universe was created by the words of the Spirit. As I look around at creation, I can be reminded of the words that brought beauty and wholeness, a gift I can embrace each day.

This is a journey, not a destination. I pray today that I will take in the beauty around me and remember the words that speak love into my spirit.  In many ways this is the first step, receive the love of my creator and allow it to penetrate deep into my soul.

Blessings and Light,
Elissa Noble (Office Manager)

The Space Between

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One of the more challenging things for me is sitting in the space between where I see what I want to be, yet find myself miles away.  This is especially true when I am circled in my own triggers, resentments and insecurities.  As I work on my own inner healing, I have to trust in a God who is with me in this space.  “Where could I run from your Spirit?  Where could I flee from your presence?” Psalm 139:7.

Last year, I started an intentional meditation practice.  I began doing a loving kindness and forgiveness mediation in the morning to bring more awareness to my own suffering and that of others.  To bring to mind that which blocks me from loving myself and others.  I have seen a shift where I can see more clearly the common struggles which gets me out of my own sense of isolation.  “Allow you to embrace yourself with forgiveness.  Let yourself be loved.  Let yourself be love.” (Stephen Levine). This was extremely helpful for me in sitting with feelings that come up in my father’s declining health and in conflicts in relationships that come up with Covid and other challenges in life. The meditations open my heart and I felt connected with God and the universe in a deeper way.  Sometimes during the meditation, I couldn’t be present and this also showed me that I was in a tough place and being gentle with myself would be important.

When my father passed away about a month ago, I wasn’t really sure how to process the grief.  It is complicated and I don’t always know how to touch the places that feel numb.  I was able to be with him during the last few months on hospice and with him when he took his last breath.  This was healing, hearing him say “I love you” and me voicing the same.  I was able to enter a place of deeper intimacy.  After his death, I listened to hymns and went through photos.  Music has a way of taking me to the heart.  I focused on a mercy meditation and started playing a song in my car on forgiveness.  I have found playing a song on repeat, allows it to ring in my head all day, which is a powerful healing tool.  The song “Losing” by Tenth Avenue North has been playing in my car since his death.  I pray for forgiveness for myself and others. “Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them cause I feel like the one losin”….”This is love or this is hate…We gotta choice to make”

I see how my own resentments just keep me lost, and in anger that often comes out towards those I love.  Forgiveness is really about letting go of the the pain I carry as best as I can so I can love others.  It allows me to change more freely when I love myself and I am more apt to be effective in making change when I look at my own pain directly and use it to connect with others.

I am grateful for a God who is wanting to bring healing in the space between.  That sits with me when I don’t like my feelings or my actions, who forgives me, so I can open the doors for others.  I pray this love can help me reach out to others, often the the harder the fall, the greater the need for self forgiveness, all of us need this and is what makes the closest relationships possible.  “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”  Rev 3:20

In God’s grace,
Elissa Noble, Office Manager

Grace Frees and Unites Us

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I love to reflect on grace. It calms my soul and gives me purpose for living and for all my experiences. Grace frees and unites.

Why do I ignore this grace and listen to the lies? Somehow I believe that what I have isn’t good enough. I worry that if I give it away and it isn’t received that there is something wrong with me. Life is full of many opportunities to get lost in the interruptions and find other ways to live that are about hard work, proving my worth, and finding happiness. Finding joy and purpose are good things, but without receiving grace, I miss out on an internal love and peace that shapes all my connections.

Receiving grace doesn’t always seem simple to me. Often I experience it when I take a risk and make mistakes or through conflict with other people. I learn to give myself compassion and pray for wisdom in the next step. I find when I am kind to myself, I want more to be kind to others. In my humanity I become more humble before my God. This can give me courage to break down the walls with my fellows and go deeper in conversations. My fears and struggles can be a bridge to bring me to the Spirit and to others in my community. Often I see them as barriers in my life, yet without them, I wouldn’t have experienced God’s grace.

The beauty of the shared journey

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Some days it is very hard to see the beauty in what is going on around me. People close to me are declining in health, struggling with addictions and mental illness, and so much conflict everywhere it can be exhausting. I often feel overwhelmed, sad and anxious, as I try to deal with circumstances and compounded grief. Seeing a newborn baby, a beautiful blue sky and the leaves changing bring light into my world. It is easy to find the blessings in the amazing creation and indescribable blessings.

The blessing and beauty of growth though is harder for me to sit with. Often the growth and the character traits I desire come out of the hardships of life. Not the perceived hardships where I am comparing myself to others, and feel deprived because I don’t have what I want, but the hardships where pain is unbearable, whether emotional or physical, or the moments where I feel like I am sitting still and powerless to help others or myself in human suffering.

The human story is a combination of the environmental beauty and the beauty within all of us. It is a story where our paths connect and create something new and more profound than our individual stories. We see our common struggles and joys, and give each other hope and love. We can find the blessings in our physical environment of the beauty created by others, as well as the beauty created by a God that loves us. Even in the middle of the brokenness and pollution of our city, there is a God that is greater and exists in the air we breathe and the water that brings life. May I hold on to Life and Love. Elissa